i feel the cold edge from toilet on my end. my face shows downward over the toilet bowl. my eyes look rigid on the clean water below me, my feets press against the door, which is much too close to my place. the room is too small, almost stifling. and yet i sit here with Jil on the floor. I hang over the toilet bowl and Jil holds my hairs. at regular intervals I spit saliva in the repulsive-smelling water in front of my face. jils hand is protectively on my back, her voice fades in the room - I hear it barely.

until to a border, which is attached in the middle on the wall, are boring bright tile. the background is white and fine ornate in orange. a little mirror hangs about the measly washbasin. the toilet paper is stacked next to my head. the ground is cold, now and then I’ve to shake and a shiver runs through my body. I prefer with one hand at my hairs. They must not to touch the toilet bowl. I hang over a piece of stone and look in a hole with water. slowly i lift my head, look at the ugly tile and see how it all goes down in a cloud. jerky I put my head in the old position - the view unshakable downwards. I can hear Jil, but it sounds so far away. like in big empty room, where every voice echoes. Jil is on the other site in these room. ”should I still help somehow, darling?”, her voice sounds shrill. The word darling echoes long time in my head. how long I know she? I force myself to look at the clock. slowly I put my wrist in front of my head to look at the clock. 01:03am. it takes a long time to sort the pointer. hard falls my head back on the edge. meanwhile it’s warm. ”I can not more!”, it comes groan out of my mouth.